I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I love you.
Bad choice
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
