Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
