not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Randomize
