She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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