WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
