We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Randomize
