I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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