Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
