I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
