I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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