I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
