Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
You dont lie about slip and slides
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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