I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
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