My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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