Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
