somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
We're too hungover to prance.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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