Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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