I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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