new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
