i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
false alarm. still invincible.
home. puking in laundry basket.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Randomize
