It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Randomize
