found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Randomize
