don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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