My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Randomize
