Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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