Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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