Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
