Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
