You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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