I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
