I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Randomize
