u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Randomize
