can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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