i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
