i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
