I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
