i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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