The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
