I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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