Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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