i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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