After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
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