so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I'm like, not good at living.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
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