Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Randomize
