Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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