Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
