a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
