Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
