bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
