it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Randomize
